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Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Obsess Much?

This post is a little long and a little deep (that’s what she said!) so, apologies in advance…

I have this little problem.  It’s called crushing on celebrities.  Ever since I was little, I wanted what I know I can’t have.  A famous boyfriend.  Now, it’s not the fame I am after – it’s the talent, the inevitable sex-appeal that comes from being an on-screen actor… yeah, ok, the luxuries that come with all of that, too (nice house, etc.).  When I find a new actor to obsess crush on, I crush hard.  Here is a list of some of the more memorable Hollywood obsessions I have loved over the years:

Fred Savage: my first true crush.  I fell head over heels for Kevin Arnold of “The Wonder Years”, and watched anything he appeared in over the years.  Occasionally, I’ll check his stuff out, and sure enough, he still fills my heart with wonder.

Kirk Cameron: around the same time I was hopelessly devoted to Fred, I was crushing pretty hardcore on the adorably not-so-bad-boy Mike Seaver from “Growing Pains”.  I was still pretty young (closer to age with my wonderful Fred), but my heart still felt the pain when I thought about how far, far away he lived from me…

David Spade: OK, weird, I know.  But he’s funny, and in the Tommy Boy/Black Sheep days he was pretty darn cute.  This was one I was convinced I would wind up with.  Not really sure what I was thinking.  Must have been his super sexy performance of “Brother Love’s Travelin’ Salvation Show” in Lost & Found.

Live Schreiber: This one, I met once.  And… Well… Damn.  He is one of the nicest guys I’ve met, also one of the sexiest.  I only got to talk to him for about 2 minutes, but they were the best 2 minutes of my 21-year old life.

Nicholas Brendon: Best known as Xander Harris on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”.  This was the role that caused my heart to pound for him.  Things subdued a little until last summer, when for some inexplicable reason, I fell hard.  I couldn’t stop thinking about him.  It was weird.  But nice.  He can stake me anytime…

Rick Moranis: Yeah.  That guy.  The nerdy guy who ruled the comedies of the ‘80s and the family films of the ‘90s, who dropped off the face of the earth (well, sort of) to raise his kids after his wife passed away.  I first noticed Rick in Little Shop of Horrors, and again in Parenthood.  I was pretty young, and he’s 25 years my senior, so I just stuck with “he’s cute!” until recently… I revisited Little Shop of Horrors, and was reminded just how sexy he really is.  I have since rented all of his movies, bought a few of them, scoured YouTube for anything with him, downloaded his album… yeah, it is safe to say, he is my current obsession. 

Now, this is not normally an issue, but in this day and age, I can’t stalk safely from afar.  There’s this little thing called Twitter.  And all of my guys are on it… I even tweeted Rick on my college graduation day, asking for a Re-Tweet.  I got one!  Made my freaking day.  Now, I am following a band he’s following (they are awesome, by the way – “Brain”.  Check them out!), and they’re following me, and all I could think was “I am thisclose to him following me!”  But I can’t tweet about it… I have already re-tweeted his tweets, tweeted at him a couple of times, and now I’m just gonna look like a psycho stalker.  I expect the restraining order any day.

The thing is, I have this big huge fangirl crush on him, but I also truly admire the man’s talent, character and random-ass twitter activity (Water Polo.  Really?)  I know that I don’t stand a chance in hell with the man, but I still fantasize about it.  And I am a grown-ass woman.  So, why the obsession with unattainable men who are waaayy out of my league (and generation)?

Real men scare the shit out of me.  I have been hurt so many times, usually due to serious cases of unrequited love.  Occasionally due to bad relationships.  The thought of approaching and getting involved with a real, live, possibly attainable man scares me to the point of paralysis.  So, having these fantasy crushes allows me to love from afar without ever actually getting hurt.  Fucked up?  Sure.  Hopefully, I can be cured soon.  Someone find me a real man!  In the meantime, I’m gonna go drool over my sexy nerdy Canadian…

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