Lifeplans?

Today, I decided to be sort of productive.  I have completed most of my laundry, which still needs to be organized and put away, organized some of my stuff (even though there is still a pile of junk in the middle of my floor), and applied to/touched base with various schools for RD positions.  Taking a break for now, then it’s back to getting organized. 

I hate applying for jobs.  I have never been good at “tooting my own horn”, although I think I have managed to find the balance of selling myself, but not whoring myself; being interested, but not desperate.  Even though I am.  I do not want to be living at home, wondering what happened to my life.  I do not want my college career to have been in vain. 

I have an idea of what I would ultimately like my life to look like, but I try not to dwell on the picture for too long, because it will inevitably change.  Four years ago, the plan was to get my history degree, and work for the history channel, or write books and go on the lecture circuit.  Now, I want to be an RD, and get all my masters/PhD and be a professor.  Or is that really what I want?  What about my personal life?  I’m 33 – it would be nice to meet someone and have the life-long (what’s left of it) relationship I have always wanted.  And what about kids?  Will I ever have kids?  That was part of the lifeplan from the get-go.  Now?  No clue.

So, I just keep moving and applying and sweeping up smooshed popcorn, waiting for the next bend in the road.  Waiting for the next step…