Queen of the Universe!

Good morning, faithful readers!  Do you know what today is?  Awwww, yeah, it’s my BIRTHDAY, BITCHES!  My birthday is the one day a year I get to be completely self-indulgent and be Queen of the Universe.  Unfortunately, this year, I am working.  Aaaalll day long.  Then again, every time I try to plan something special to do on my birthday, something goes really wrong…

For my 23^rd birthday, my friends in Pittsburgh tried to throw me a huge surprise birthday party.  Three people showed and it was awkward city.  It ended ok, at Denny’s with ice cream sundaes (although, the nuts were stale).

For my 30^th birthday, I decided I wanted to spend the day riding roller coasters.  I went to Six Flags in Mass.  Of course, it was after I got held up at the DMV to renew my license, and arrived just as a storm was headed my way.  I got on one roller coaster, ate lunch, and then the sky turned black, and we were flooded.  I left, got lost on the way to my hotel, and finally wound up in a nice hotel room, eating delicious room service, drinking champagne and soaking in a bubble bath.

Right before the rain came

My 32^nd birthday was awesome, though.  I went to Boston, and had beautiful weather, a gorgeous B&B, and no hitches.  Except for that weird couple that tried to pick me up at Cheers.  If they had been a little less sketch, I probably would have gone for it.  But, I like all my internal organs, and being STD-Free.

The Bertram Inn, where I stayed.  Beautiful place, delightful people.

Last year, I wanted to do Six Flags again, but there was talk of rain, so I planned a big lunch at Luca’s in Keene with my friends.  We went from a party of nine to about 5, the table was kind of awkward, but hey, the food was awesome.  Did I mention there was a massive downpour that day, too?

Also, made my own birthday cake.  It looks hideous, but tasted delicious!

So, this year I did not plan anything big and spectacular, I figured I’d be working.  But you bet your butt I’ll mention it at every chance I get.  See, 364 days out of the year, I totally know the world does not revolve around me.  I am nothing special.  But my birthday is the only day where I am ok with making it all about me.  34 years ago, I came into this world, and while I am still trying to find my place in it, I am going to celebrate my arrival to the hilt. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOSS!

Also, a big Birthday Shout-Out to the man who brought us “Buffy”, “Angel”, “Firefly”, and The Avengers.  Happy Birthday, Joss Whedon!  I love that I get to share the day with you!  

One Step He Leads

Now that the whole Comcast thing is over with…

Tonight we had a choir practice for Music Sunday this weekend.  I had put in one request, “The Potter’s Hand”, and secretly wanted to sing a song by Pepper Choplin called “One Step He Leads”.  Well, wouldn’t you know it – both songs were there.  “The Potter’s Hand” (from Hillsong United) lyrics are as follows:

Beautiful Lord, Wonderful savior
I know for sure all of my days are held in your hands
Crafted into your perfect plans

You gently called me into your presence
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life
Through your eyes

I'm captured by your holy calling
Set me apart. I know you're drawing me to yourself
lead me, Lord. I pray

Oh Take me, mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the potter's hand

Oh Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the potter's hand

You gently call me into your presence
Guiding me by your holy spirit
Teach me dear lord to live all of my life through your eyes

I'm captured by your holy calling
Set me apart. I know you're drawing me to yourself
lead me, Lord. I pray

Oh Take me, mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the potter's hand

Oh Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the potter's hand

It’s a more contemporary piece, one which took a few times through for me to really like it.  Now it brings tears to my eyes every time we sing it.  Actually, all four choir anthems have the effect on me, so it is going to be a very emotional Sunday for me. 

But the reason I wanted to sing “One Step He Leads” is because it says, like “The Potter’s Hands”, with music and poetry what I have been feeling and thinking so much more eloquently than I can say in my own words.

Sometimes I worry and wish I could see
What lies ahead, what the future will be.
But God calls me on to follow in faith,
And He’ll take tomorrow if I give Him today.

One step He leads and one step I’ll follow,
God knows my needs and He will supply.
I don’t know the future and all that’s in store,
So I’ll take one step, one step, to follow my Lord.

Jesus said, “Leave all your worries, forget all your cares,
What you will eat and what you will wear.
But seek first my kingdom and all that is right.
Your needs shall be given as you live in the light.”

One step He leads and one step I’ll follow,
God knows my needs and He will supply.
I don’t know the future and all that’s in store,
So I’ll take one step, one step, to follow my Lord.

Copyright c 1996, GlorySound, a division of Shawnee Press, Inc.

Lately, I have been obsessed with figuring out what the next step is.  I put myself in God’s hands, let him help me become the person I need to be, and guide me to the next step.  I just hope He understands that sometimes it’s not as easy as it sounds.  But know for sure that come Sunday morning, I will give all my heart and soul into this music – not because I want to stand out or be praised for my singing abilities, but because I feel it so deep in my soul I can’t not sing with enthusiasm and emotion.  And isn’t that truly the gift of music?  A way to express what you’re feeling when your own words fail you?  It is why I love to sing.  It is why music is an ever present part of my life.

I don’t want anyone to think that this blog is going to go all Holy Roller on you, but a major part in figuring out my life, and what the next step is, is reconnecting with my spiritual side, and rebuilding my faith.  So, you might hear about it from time to time, but please don’t think that I am in any way trying to bring people to the Lord through blogging.  That’s just tacky.

Oh, and if anyone is wondering why I don’t post videos of these songs so you can hear them, I am completely biased towards my own church choir, and have yet to find any recordings that do the songs justice like we do.  So there.

Thanks for reading, here’s hoping I will be able to find the next step soon…

The End of the Comcast Saga!

So, the cable guy came today.  My request to the Cable gods was answered in that they sent me a cutie.  So, he checked everything out, and spent about 45 minutes on the phone with the Comcast Powers That Be.  Huh.  Turns out the CableCARD was not activated.  No shit.  Oh, and it was, for some reason, set for Londonderry.  Even though I got it from the Lebanon office.  Seriously?  So, it is the card and not my TiVo afterall…

So, he tells me that the office shouldn’t have given me the card because then specific phone calls made by techs have to be made.  Screw you, Comcast. 

So, basically he’s sitting on the phone making small talk with me while the Powers That Be are fiddling around with stuff.  Slowly, channels start showing up, like, one at a time.  Finally, he goes into the room that the cable comes out of and switches a couple of plugs around and… I HAVE MY CABLE CHANNELS!  So, yes, part of it was our connection, but a major issue was indeed the card itself and how it was not activated nor was it set up for this area of New Hampshire. 

Since Cory the Cable Tech was very cute and polite, and this got taken care of with some sense of ease today, Comcast has been knocked down a spot or two on my shit list.  But it is thin ice, guys.  If I lose one channel, you will be hearing from me.  I’m sure they hate me, too, but really I was so much nicer than I could have been.

And now I stop my bitching and move back to my usual stuff. 

Update on my job search: still not a damn thing.  I have a feeling I am going to be here for the long haul after all…  Oh, well.  One battle at a time, I guess…

RANT

Good afternoon.  It is hot.  I am annoyed.  And hungry.  Sounds like a perfect time for a rant…

So.  I have had a TiVo for about 7 years now.  I love my TiVo.  I love that I can season pass everything I watch, and that I can take it all with me wherever I go.  It was perfect for when I was in college, and also now when I work a lot of nights, missing my shows.  I hate having to watch all my TV online.  However… with the new HD crap, I need what is called a CableCARD to make my TiVo work with Comcast’s system.  OK, fine. 

So, last week I went to our local Comcast office to pick up a CableCARD.  When I got home, I followed all the steps to get it set up.  But when I got home from work, I still had no channels.  Huh.  So, I called the setup people again, and went through the process again.  Nothing.  Hrm.  So, I tried going online to see what was going on.  They tried to send signal after signal.  Still, nothing.  Then the checked the account, and saw a past-due balance, which was why the card was not activating.  OK.  Fine. 

On Friday Dad paid the bill.  So, on Friday night, I tried it again.  Still nothing.  Oye.  So, I thought that maybe it was a defective card.  Monday, I went down to Comcast to swap out the card.  I got home, followed all the steps again, and still nothing.  At this point, I am pisssed off.  I then notice that I randomly get channel 112.  Ooooh kaaay?

So, I decided to get in touch with TiVo, see if maybe that was the problem.  They started taking me through the steps of restarting the set, etc.  I double checked that all of my cables were hooked up properly.  They were.  We got into checking the CA menu for the CARD, which was supposed to say “Status: Ready”.  Instead, it said “Status: Not Staged”, implying that there is an issue with Comcast.  *Sigh*.  OK.

So, yesterday, I called the main Comcast line.  After being disconnected on the first call, I got someone on call #2.  I explained what was going on, and he put me on hold.  I got transferred to someone else.  After I explained everything again, I was informed that I was talking to someone in internet accounts.  She redirected me to someone who could help me with my cable issues.  However, that guy was in New Jersey and unable to help me.  At this point, I’ve been on the phone being bounced around and put on hold for almost half an hour.  And the guy from NJ muttered “Ugh, get rid of TiVo”.  I know that is what Comcast wants me to do, but no.  I will not.

Anyway, he goes to contact me with someone who can access my account, and I got disconnected.  Again.  Really pissed off at this point, I called again.  I got a very pleasant young woman who I know I was snippy with, but my snippiness was justified at this point.  She tried to fix the problem, but nope.  Need to send out a technician.  I was really hoping to avoid this, because seriously?  All he’s gonna do is watch me put a card in a box.  But ok, fine.  I will jump through your fucking hoops and shell out the money so you can come and watch me put a card in a box.  I took the 11-1 appointment, apologized for being snippy with the girl, and went on my merry way.

Now, I had been told that the tech would call me about a half an hour before they were coming so I’d know they’d be here.  At 12:55, I went downstairs to see if a Comcast van was pulling up, since I hadn’t heard from anyone yet.  Nothing.  I went upstairs to grab the phone and start calling.  1:00 on the dot, I called.  They said that the tech had been at the house at 12:57, knocked, didn’t get an answer, and then went to the cable box out back, submitted something about a box number and left.  No note, nothing.  No phone call.  Nothing.  They weren’t even supposed to be checking on the box, we know there is nothing wrong with the cable itself, it is the fucking CableCARD, you asshole! 

So, the Comcast woman is looking through everything to make sure it was all paired up properly, and has me restart the TiVo, and is now saying it’s probably something wrong with the TiVo, not them.  I call bullshit.  We reschedule another appointment for 9:00 in the fucking morning tomorrow, Mom’s first day of summer vacation.  Because I have other plans tomorrow afternoon with Mary, and that’s the only morning appointment they have.  Of course. 

After some Google-searching, I know I am not the only one with a Comcast CableCARD pairing with TiVo issue.  I am normally not a conspiracy-theory asshole, but I am now convinced they do this on purpose.  The NJ jerk said it all “Get rid of your TiVo”.  That is what Comcast wants us to do.  But see, I’ve been a loyal TiVo customer for the better part of a decade.  I do not want your crappy Comcast box.  I want to be able to take a new job, move to wherever said job is, and not have to turn in a box with all its cables and remote and all that jazz to have to turn around and pick a new one up every time I move.  Plus, this is a brand new TiVo I purchased in February.  I can watch my Netflix and YouTube and play my Pandora on it.  Can’t do that with your crappy box, Comcast.  It is my personal choice to use TiVo as my DVR – our family is already overpaying for your mandatory HD service/converters plus your high speed internet.  I pay for the TiVo myself, and they have been nothing but wonderful to me for the past 7 years. 

So, if this cable guy doesn’t do what he is supposed to and resolve this tomorrow, I will be hella mad.  My current frame of mind is already pretty shaky, and there are few things keeping me from slitting my fucking wrists these days.  One of those things is my TV and the shows I regularly watch.  Don’t fucking take that away from me, Comcast. 

Now, if it is legitimately something wrong with the TiVo box itself, or some error on my part, I will eat my crow.  But I have a feeling tomorrow, the tech will come, re-insert the card into the box, push a few numbers into some digital toy, and I will have my channels back.  Right now, I’m getting 3, 12, 13 and 112.  What.The.Fuck, Comcast? 

I miss the days of hooking up a couple of coax cables and you’re done.  Modern technology can kiss my ass.

End of rant.  Update on the situation tomorrow.  Then it will be back to my regularly scheduled writings. 

Edit: Right now, my rage mostly comes from the fact that the tech never called to say he was on his way, obviously did not make much of an effort to see if anyone was home, and didn't do a freaking thing.  And I didn't even want to bring a tech out here in the first place.  UGH.

Have a Little Faith...

Today was Children’s Sunday at my church.  The kids lead us in worship and play music and usually put on a little skit or two.  It is always moving and always entertaining, and this year was no exception.  The little babies I used to babysit or watch over on Sunday mornings in the nursery are all grown up, full of talent, and genuinely like taking part in church stuff.  It is a beautiful sight to behold.

My niece got to help take the offertory this year, which was awesome to see.  She also had a letter she read to kids in Zimbabwe that the Sunday School is sponsoring, and helped to teach some sign language to the congregation.  I am such a proud Auntie.

There have been a few schools that I have applied to, two of which are private, Catholic schools.  Honestly?  I hope I get one of those.  I need a little daily faith in my life, and if I got a job working for a non-religious private school or a state school, I fear it would be hard to find.  The past few weeks, I have been scheduled on Sunday mornings, so I have to leave church early to get to work, and I have hated having to do that.  I finally got it set so that I go in for the afternoon shift, and I am so grateful. 

I am not usually one to go on and on about my faith or my religious beliefs, mostly because it is all very personal, and something that is difficult for me to explain properly.  But because in this day and age, as soon as you tell someone you go to church or are spiritual or religious, there is a connotation that goes along with that.  A lot of people are afraid I’ll start preaching at them or that I’m one of the “scary” fundies whose beliefs are extreme.  Or they’ll assume that I’m the same as them when it comes to religion, and the expectations are high.  Especially when it’s discovered my father is a minister.

But see, I’m human just like everyone else.  My beliefs and values are all mine – nothing has been forced down my throat – I was given the choice to run my spiritual life in a way that suits me.  I was taught to question and seek out the answers on my own terms.  Not everyone is given that gift, but I was.  So, I continue along with my life, struggling with my faith and my beliefs and my values, striving to be a better person every single day. 

And then I have days like today, when I see such talented, giving, caring and loving kids eagerly helping to run the church service, eager to share their talents with their church family.  My faith is restored, and I feel the good; the cynicism gets set aside for a little while, and the quest to be a better person no longer feels like a burden, but motivation.

So, today when I am at a job I like, but don’t feel passionate about, and when I think snarky things about people; when I feel like there is no hope for myself or the human race, I will hold in my heart the image of a handful of kids who are truly amazing, and I will make it through the day.

More

Yesterday, I found out that a very good friend of mine got accepted to grad school and was offered an assistantship.  This was someone who wasn’t sure if he wanted to go to grad school in the first place.  I am genuinely thrilled for him, and know that he will be amazing at his new school and job.  But it once again reminded me that I am stuck.  I had a few minutes of self-pity, and got ready to head out to see Men in Black 3.  Right before I left, though, I saw a small ray of light at the end of my no-hope tunnel.  I got an email from a college I had sent my resume to for an RD position.  It was basically a form letter, letting me know that they will begin calling to set up interviews, and if my resume passes muster, I should be expecting a call in the next two weeks, thanks for your interest, etc.  But it was something.  After weeks of sending out my resume with no response, this is a start.  I can only hope that this means there will be more to come in the not so distant future.

I miss being around college students.  The people I work with are ok, but I get the feeling only a couple have gone to college, and those that haven’t (other than the high schoolers) aren’t driven to do much else with their lives.  I don’t have anything against them, it’s just a relatability thing.  I know I went to college late, but even before I decided to do so, I wanted more for my life.  They don’t.  I miss being around driven, hard-working students who are looking to make their life more.  I miss being a mentor to said students.  I want to go back to striving for more. 

So, I keep on searching and sending out resumes, and pray for an interview, which would hopefully lead to a job.  Something’s coming soon, I can feel it in my gut.  I just don’t know what…

On an unrelated note, I hit some serious writer’s block, and am a little behind, but am planning on updating 365 ASAP.

Stagnant

I’ve been off my game and on the depressed side this past week.  Today, I finally figured out why.  For the past four years, I have spent the majority of my time in a constant state of motion.  Walking to class, the DC, etc., running into different people every day, going on rounds, frantically finishing up assignments at the last minute.  I never had a moment to breathe.  Well, I have plenty of time for that now, and I don’t like it.  I enjoyed the peace for about a week.  Now, my life is stagnant.

There is little to do, and less people to do it with here in the Upper Valley.  I mean, at least at school, I could just wander into the RA Office or the DC and find people to just sit and hang with.  For free, at that!  Here, not so much.  Unless I want to take up hiking, but that’s not going to happen.  And most of the people I used to know have moved away, the ones that are still here have lives of their own.  So, I am bored and lonely.  It kinda sucks.

Even though I always saw familiar faces at Keene, it was always a different set.  I never knew who I was going to run into any given day, and while I had certain routines down each semester, every day brought something different, some new challenge.  Here, I see the same 6 people every.damn.day, and do pretty much the same thing every day, too.  Even when I’m working different “areas” at work, I’m still glued to the lobby.  I was so psyched to usher yesterday, because at least that way I got to walk through the theatres every now and then…

I miss the college environment.  A lot.  I am still applying for ResLife jobs, and still not getting very far.  Hopefully the latest one I applied for will pan out for me.  If I seriously have to spend the next year trapped in the lobby of the movie theatre, I might just kill myself. 

I am desperately trying to stay positive, tell myself that one year is not very long, but it’s only been a month since I graduated, and it feels like so much longer.  Time has come to a screeching halt, and I am ready for it to start moving again.  So, I am praying that I get this job.  Or anything, really, that involves more.  *Sigh*.  Time to get ready for another mundane day…