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Sunday, October 7, 2012

New and Exciting

If anyone had told me a year ago that I would be living at home, working as a supervisor at a movie theatre, and dating an amazing man now, I would have given them a healthy dose of “Man, you CRAZY!”  But here I am.  Nowhere near where I thought I would wind up.  But surprisingly content.  For now.

Do I still want more?  You bet.  I have decided to apply for grad school in the field of film studies, with the ultimate intent of being a professor.  But now there’s this guy.  This guy who makes me beyond happy.  He makes me laugh, makes me feel beautiful and special, he listens when I talk and values my opinion.  He has taken the time to get to know me.  We can be absolutely ridiculously silly together, and still have a real conversation.  So far, even with the usual little bumps, this has been very easy and natural.  Even when we have told each other things we know are hard to say/hear.  I don’t live in fear that if I say one wrong thing, everything will fall apart, a problem I had with many of my past relationships.  There is no walking on eggshells here.  What he sees is what he gets, and so far (for whatever insane reason) he likes what he sees.  This is no new and foreign to me. 

The thing is, we haven’t been together all that long.  Only known each other existed for about 6 weeks.  Only been dating for about a month.  But it feels like we’ve known each other for ages.  And not in a bad way.  There was this connection that neither of us could pinpoint, and still can’t.  It’s not intense in the cinematic sense, it’s just there.  And for the first time in my relationship-having life, my relationship is the one thing that I am not worried about.  Money?  Absolutely.  My career?  Yup.  Grad School?  Uh-huh.  But my relationship?  Nope.  The only thing that is up in the air is where I go to grad school, and how that will effect us, but like the grown-ass people we are, it is an ongoing discussion and something we will deal with when the time comes.  When did I stumble into a real relationship?  The hell?

So what about the things I am worried about?  Fuck if I know.  I do know that I have made the right choice, grad school studies-wise.  Cutting ResLife out (for now) still stings, but I know that it was what I needed to do.  For the first time, I get excited about the curriculum and programs offered in the film studies programs.  This is my passion, and I am going to go after it no matter what.  My only regret is that I didn’t have that “Ah-Ha!” moment sooner!

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